


head first (no regrets and no rules)

by mvlecs (lgbtdisney)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 1x12 almost kiss rewrite, M/M, but i think that's more appropriate for this scene if it were to go this way so yeah, let these beans be happy!, maryse and robert are mentioned but just as 'mom and dad', more describing of alec's emotions and thoughts than actual kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:41:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7896637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lgbtdisney/pseuds/mvlecs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec begins to learn that maybe he doesn't need to think so hard about everything.</p><p>or: A rewrite of the almost kiss scene from 1x12.</p>
            </blockquote>





	head first (no regrets and no rules)

**Author's Note:**

> i really wanted to do a rewrite of the scene in question (you know the one) where malec almost kissed before maryse and robert interrupted, so i did. here it is. thanks to the magnusificent gc for calling me satan and prompting me to write more! love y'all.
> 
> title is from aquaman by walk the moon

“I’m so glad we got away from that crowd,” Alec moved his hands from his wrist cuffs and made a gesture indicating the vast amount of people at the wedding. “Y’know -- all those people.” Alec moved his right hand to fiddle with his left wrist cuff, unsure of how both his hands weren’t shaking immensely. “So intense.”

As Alec brushed his thumb over one of the buttons on his wrist cuff, Magnus began to speak. “I have to hand it to you, Alexander,” Magnus began, and Alec looked at him. His smile was so wide and heart-stuttering that Alec had to look away for a single moment as he calmed his hands. Quickly smoothing his hands down the front of his trouser legs, Alec wasn’t able to keep his eyes off of Magnus for long; it seemed like the man was getting closer to him, as if he’d taken a tiny step forwards. “You certainly know how to make a statement.”

Magnus’ eyes sparkled as he grinned widely; Alec wasn’t sure what with. His mind was racing with thoughts of the day, his emotions at an all-time high. For once though -- for once in his life -- he wasn’t overwhelmed with grief, self-loathing or anything of the sort; at the moment, he felt overwhelmed with adrenaline and relief, and the feeling fuelled Alec, like if he possessed the power to fly without aid he would be soaring miles upon miles.

And then Alec was back to playing with his wrist cuffs again as he, too, grinned at Magnus.

Magnus took another small step forward -- barely even an inch -- as his grin softened into a gentle smile. Alec’s heart stuttered again, almost unhealthy. Was this customary? Was it regular to feel this way? Magnus was standing close, close enough that their feet were a mere distance apart from touching at the tips, and Alec found himself looking down, not at the floor in shame, or at his feet, or any place where he would usually look when feeling embarrassed; no, instead his eyes flickered down to look at Magnus’ lips.

His eyes flickered back up as his hands relaxed on his cuffs, although not dropping down. Was he allowed to kiss Magnus again? Alec was unsteadily unsure of what the social cues someone would give when wanting someone to kiss them, and by extension, he was unsure of what Magnus wanted.

Alec pursed his lips as he couldn’t stop his continuous stream of thoughts in his head. At the wedding, Magnus had kissed him back -- Alec had felt it, felt Magnus’ lips working against his, and Magnus had even chased after Alec’s lips when Alec pulled away for only a second or two -- but did Magnus want to kiss Alec again? What if Magnus had changed his mind? Allowing himself a second look at Magnus’ slightly glossy lips, Alec’s thoughts jumped onto the idea that he just wasn’t a good kisser and he was just making himself look to be a fool. Oh, gods--

“Alexander?” Magnus’ quiet murmur brought Alec back to attention, his eyes meeting Magnus’ again. Magnus had his left hand held out, hovering over the hand that Alec had fiddling with his wrist cuff. Magnus looked Alec in the eye, searching him for permission. Alec blinked as his lips showed the smallest of smiles, not rejecting Magnus’ offer of touch, so Magnus laid his hand lightly against the fiddling hand. Magnus tilted his head ever so slightly, his warm smile never faltering. “Stop thinking so hard.”

Alec tried to say something as he stared dumbly at Magnus’ hand over his. He opened his mouth as he looked back up, lips parting, and he took a breath. He wished he could say something of grandeur, something impressive, something verbal that would mark this event in both his and Magnus’ heads for as long as the thought would allow, but all that Alec managed to say was, “I…”

By the Angel, Alec was digging himself a deeper hole by the moment. He couldn’t fathom how someone could be coherent whilst Magnus Bane so much as _touched_ them; Magnus’ palm had moved from resting against the back of Alec’s hand to resting against the _inside_ of Alec’s hand, fingers hooking around the side of his forefinger so that their hands were holding each other’s. Their holding hands lowered to each other’s sides whilst Alec’s other hand did the same.

Alec looked back up to Magnus’ eyes; Magnus looked at him not in pity, nor in amusement -- he simply _looked_ at Alec, and Alec let out another exhale, finding his breath shaky. “I’m --” Alec started to say, but then stopped, because he realised that Magnus must have felt his nervousness against his skin. Heat began to crawl up his neck and onto his face in his ever-increasing embarrassment. “I --”

“Hey.” Magnus whispered, barely even that, his hand squeezing Alec’s faintly. “What did I say?” his smile was ever soft, and Alec’s eyes flickered back down to Magnus’ lips.

 _Stop thinking so hard_ , Magnus had said. _Stop thinking so hard_ , Alec thought to himself. He repeated the phrase in his mind as he felt his hand grow clammy. His other hand was lying immobile by his side. Would Magnus mind if Alec just --

 _Stop thinking so hard_ , Alec thought again, reaching his hand up so that his fingers smoothed slowly across Magnus’ jawline. Magnus’ eyes attempted to follow Alec’s hand as Alec flattened it, so that his left hand was now cupping Magnus’ jaw. Magnus blinked slowly and looked back up at Alec again, and Alec felt increasingly at ease.

So he took a step closer, and gods, Alec was close. So close that he could count the individual sparkles on Magnus’ eyeshadow and close enough that he could count the pores that located themselves everywhere on Magnus’ face if he wanted -- but that’s not what he wanted to do right now.

What Alec wanted to do was to tilt Magnus’ jaw up and stoop down so that he could kiss Magnus, this time not in front of a large crowd that made Alec’s knees want to tremble.

Alec _did_ tilt Magnus’ jaw up, and he felt Magnus’ exhale hit his lips and chin. Alec pursed his lips, eyes shooting between Magnus’ eyes and his lips. Eyes -- lips -- gods, Alec wanted to kiss them again, but what if -- no, _stop thinking so hard_ , Alec cursed himself --

“Alec?” Magnus murmured, and it wasn’t even a whisper. It was merely a breath, questioning, and Alec had never had more of a pleasing sound grace his ears. For once in his life, he stopped thinking so hard and leaned down.

Alec and Magnus’ lips joined together, softer than they had before. Previously, there had been pressure, angst, what felt like a million eyes on the two men, but now, it was just Magnus and Alec; just them.

Although he strongly hoped that this wouldn't be their last time kissing (and he doubted it), Alec savoured it like it was such. He noted that Magnus’ lips tasted waxy; clearly he was wearing lipstick or gloss - or both. He cupped Magnus’ jaw with the hand that wasn't interlocked with one of Magnus’ and merely _felt_ , although not too hard, because he felt the little powdery substance of what could have been foundation or blush and he didn't want to annoy Magnus by sweeping it away.

Magnus’ lips were soft on his, his free hand settling itself on Alec’s waist, partly over his button-up and partly over his trousers, and Alec’s stomach felt like it was swelling as well as his chest; it was if his entire body was inflating with the feeling derived from Magnus’ kiss and Alec wasn't quite sure that he ever wanted to deflate. 

Alec felt the upturn of the corner’s of Magnus’ lips against his and couldn’t help but allow his own smile; he truly felt like he could let go, and, more importantly, like he was _allowed_ to. To have the feeling of such freedom unleashed within him after having to keep restraints on his thoughts, feelings and actions for so long was, to say the least, _liberating_.

Their smiles caused them to break away from one another, and Alec’s hand fell from Magnus’ jaw to his shoulder. Magnus was ethereal as he looked Alec from under shadowed eyelids with an enchanted look on his face; he was unsure how Magnus could be enchanted by someone like _Alec_ , but Alec wasn’t going to stop him.

He _definitely_ wasn’t.

Of course, no peaceful and perfect moment in history has ever gone without a fault somewhere; Magnus’ eyes looked over Alec’s shoulder and his hands move away from Alec’s body as footsteps come close by. Alec went to look in the same direction and a feeling of dread came upon him as he saw his mom and dad approach. 

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is @lgbtdisncy and my tumblr is mvlecs; feel free to message or follow me there! any feedback is welcome ❤️


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